1. Paul was Groaning
Through our life time, we experience sufferings and pains. For example, longtime jobless situation after being discharged generally causes severe financial conditions. Or a diagnosis of a cancer in inoperable phase makes us desperate. Furthermore, it might put those patients under negative effects of anticancer agents. Certain persons cannot get out of their home due to serious depression. Facing those difficulties, how should we deal with them? Epistle to the Romans gives us an answer like a light which pierce into the darkness. Because Paul, the author, had undergone very hard trials and overcame them. However he had groaned at first under weight of those pains as a normal human. ; - What a miserable man I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?(Romans 7:24)

Today, we will see for which reason he had suffered so hardly, then how he was saved from the pain. To understand that, we reflect on his argument about sin and salvation written in Romans 7.

Paul was born in Tarsus, the capital of the Asia Minor province of Cilicia,*1 as a child of a rich Jewish family. He became a Pharisaic law teacher after studying in the school of Gamaliel*2. Gamaliel was a leading authority in the Sanhedrin. Paul presented his past this way. ; - I was becoming a leader in the Jewish religion, doing better than most other Jews of my age. I tried harder than anyone else to follow the teachings handed down by our ancestors.(Galatians 1:14)

In his early times, he had the conviction that humans could attain the salvation by observing perfectly the law. And his zeal for the law lead him to persecute Christians who seemed neglecting the law. Before all, Paul couldn¡Çt tolerate their faith in a man who was executed on a cross. Because, according to the Jewish traditional teaching, the death on cross was the damnation itself. Nonetheless, those Christians were worshiping such a man as the savior who would redeem humans after being resurrected! Paul was sure that they were adherents of a dangerous and inadmissible sect. So much so, ; - Saul (afterwards Paul) was also trying to destroy the church, going from house to house, dragging out men and women and putting them in jail.(Acts 8:3)

But he was pushed abruptly to convert on the way to Damascus. He was hit by a light from heaven. Then ; - Saul( former name of Paul) fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul! Why are you persecuting me?” Saul said, “Who are you, Lord?” The voice answered, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.(Acts 9:4-5)

The book of Acts gives certain details but we cannot see tangible facts about the event. What we can understand is that Paul encountered resurrected Jesus at that moment then abandoned the role of persecutor to become a preacher. Romans 7 explains us under which mental conditions Paul had been before that crucial experience. After making all efforts to observe perfectly the law, he found himself unable to achieve the goal. So he said, ; - I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate.(Romans 7:15)
And, being put in the light of Christ, he understood the meaning of his previous behavior. He was defective in observance of the law. Only those who had tried and failed to observe the law perfectly can grasp the proposition ¡Èhumans cannot be saved by the law.¡É

The law can be condensed in two big points, ¡ÈLove God,¡É and ¡ÈLove your neighbors.¡É Other commandments, ¡ÈYou must not murder anyone,¡É or ¡ÈYou must not steal,¡É are derived from the latter. Because if we love someone we won¡Çt ever kill or steal from that person. Nonetheless ordinary humans cannot love neighbors in authentic sense. Humans¡Ç love conceals inevitably selfishness inside. It means that we love someone because of his or her positive characters. For instance, a man might love a woman because she is pretty and in good health. Or a woman might love a man because he is promised a brilliant carrier in future. As a result, when those good facets fail, love vanishes. Severe illness of the partner very often corrodes the love between a couple. Hard financial conditions due to lack of job easily makes matrimonial relationship awkward. For that reason, in today¡Çs Japanese society, a half of marriages end up in divorce. The statistic reveals that the marriage itself is a sort of trading act.

But the law requires humans to love neighbors regardless of earthy disadvantages. It is too difficult for ordinary humans to fulfill such a command. Therefore Paul was desperate. ; - Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me—I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is earthly and sinful. I want to do the things that are good, but I do not do them. I do not do the good things I want to do, but I do the bad things I do not want to do. So if I do things I do not want to do, then I am not the one doing them. It is sin living in me that does those things.(Romans 7:18-20)

*1 life of Saint Paul http://www.biblestudy.org/apostlepaul/timeline-life-of-paul-from-birth-to-first-missionary-journey.html
*2 Gamaliel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamaliel

2. Another man inside me
¡ÈIt is sin living in me¡É indicates the egocentric part of our heart. Egoism is the stance of, ¡ÈEvery thing is all right as long as I am happy.¡É And when we look at attentively that thinking, we find another person inside each of us. That inner stranger forces us to conduct against our conscience. I present you one of those examples. The 4 November ¡Ç10, NHK*1 broadcasted an impressive document via Wikileaks*2. The video was filmed by an American in Bagdad three years ago and kept in secret till the diffusion by Wikileaks. It is a shooting scene by American soldiers who targeted Iraqi civilians from a helicopter in error. Soldiers mistook cameras hold in hands of around 10 Iraqis for rocket-artilleries due to similarity of the form.

But the incident was concealed since then. Wikileaks spread the incident over the world. That image tells us that humans captured by fear will take whichever acts in order to protect themselves, even though that fear is opposing normal reasonings. Furthermore, those persons easily lose scruples. They often try to conceal horrible results of their overreactions, instead of presenting apologises. The video points to the nature of war as reciprocal killing of humans. The law of sin was the core of the incident. Paul said ; - In my mind, I am happy with God’s law. But I see another law working in my body, which makes war against the law that my mind accepts. That other law working in my body is the law of sin, and it makes me its prisoner.(Romans 7:22-23)

When Paul sought the salvation through his own effort, he faced God of judgement. Because, trough out the efforts of observance of the law, he always despaired of achieving the goal. I is impossible to be free from our sinful existence that way. Thus he groaned out ; - ¡ÈWhat a miserable man I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death?¡É(Romans 7:24)

Thus he found another Paul inside him, who forced himself to behave unrighteously. We also hear our inner voice who persuade us to make advantageous choices regardless of our will to love the weak. In the video on Wikileaks, we see a case of conducts opposing humans¡Ç righteous will. It is true that we live in the world which seems ruled by the evil. However we still look for a way of living which can set us free from sin. Mother Teresa*2 gave us a good advice :
— “The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. (A Simple Path: Mother Teresa) —
And, to be capable to love others, we must know that God loves us profoundly enough.

*1 NHK http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
*2 WikiLeaks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WikiLeaks
*3 Mother Teresa http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa

3. Joy of emancipation from sin
Today¡Çs invocation verses are Romans 8:2-3 ; - Through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit that brings life made you free from the law that brings sin and death. The law was without power, because the law was made weak by our sinful selves. But God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son to earth with the same human life that others use for sin. By sending his Son to be an offering for sin, God used a human life to destroy sin.

As we saw previously, Paul had been fearful of the wrath of God. Because he was unable to achieve perfect observance of the law to be saved. And the conscience of his own weakness pushed him to persecute Christians who seemed neglecting observance of the law. He thought that they were intentional sinners.

But the encounter with Christ after the Resurrection, his arrogance was defeated. At that very moment Paul was sure that Christ Jesus would condemn him to death. Nonetheless Jesus forgave him instead. Then Paul¡Çs conscientious struggle under the wrath of God vanished immediately. The peace with God was given to him through Christ. Therefore he confessed ; - … Christ died for us, although we were living against God. Very few people will die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someone might possibly die. But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners.(Romans 5:6-8)

Christ died for him, an unfaithful man, moreover a former prosecutor of Christians. When Paul recognized the fact, his life was completely overturned. Christ didn¡Çt die for the good¡Çs or the right¡Çs sake. He died to save sinners. He died even for Paul who had been his enemy. He felt smashed up by that truth when he met Christ on the way to Damascus. The event metamorphosed him into a preacher. But the conversion put him under threats from Jewish conservative people. They accused him as a betrayer. He was then even at the danger of life. But he arrived to admit that such a dangerous situation must be a joyful blessing of God.
He was already in the peace with God. So he said ; - who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God’s grace that we now enjoy. And we are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God’s glory. We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.4 And patience produces character, and character produces hope.(Romans 5:2-4)

How courageous those verses are! With such a faith, anyone can be totally calm regardless of pains. They will be fearless even in the darkness without light. We are now invited to choose to live like those faithful persons. The experience of Paul must also console those who are suffering from absurd pains and unable to get rid of them.

Mother Teresa explained about the meaning of sufferings this way, too:
— To certain extent, all of us suffered from mental or physical pains. Those sufferings are given us as our cross to make clear the signification of the Cross of Jesus Christ. Life of serving others begins with act of understanding others¡Ç feelings. If we can feel almost how they feel, we will have compassion on them. Compassion gives birth to love. Understanding others is taking their place. Because without sharing the same pains, we cannot understand themselves. Therefore our own painful experiences are gifts from God who makes us capable to love others. —

It is true that, when we trust in God¡Çs love, our pains lead on to our thankfulness for His mercy.